The first fruit...

Well, it is official. I have now eaten something that my garden grew. Today I plucked the first, juicy, ripe tomato off of the vine and devoured it with my lunch! I am, of course, the only one in my house who eats tomatoes, so let's hope that the harvest is plenty enough to keep my voracious tomato appetite satisfied, without overwhelming me. I have 4 tomato plants total: one that will make big yellow tomatoes (the first one to bear a ripened, edible fruit), one that will make big red tomatoes, and two that will make smaller, yellow, pear-shaped fruit. I'm hoping the variety will keep me from getting overwhelmed. Here is the beauty that I ate today:

I'm pretty psyched about my garden. I have always wanted to have one, to grow things that I can actually eat and enjoy. I bought the Square Foot Gardening book many years ago, and tried a few of the ideas in it. But I thought I could still do it my own way, so that attempt really didn't go far. That was my last try for a while, until this year. I decided I was ALL in this time, and I was going to give it a go. So, I bought some wood, built raised boxes for beds, sectioned them off, and started much of my current crop from seed. I did buy the tomatoes, cukes, and peppers already established, but everything else came from seed packets. I have lettuce, spinach, carrots, radishes, marigolds, basil, beans, and sunflowers, all seemingly doing pretty well so far! I am a bit impatient (you'd have never guessed, would you?!?) so it is slow going in my mind, but I guess God knew I needed that "patience" lesson yet again when He prompted me to plant and tend this garden. Hmmm. When will I ever really get that one? :)

It has been fun for all of us to enjoy this garden. Even the kids get excited to see things growing and they thought it was amazing to watch me eat the tomato that they had just seen hanging from the vine moments before. They weren't impressed enough to actually eat some themselves... but that is another story.

In other news, I'm feeling much better today, thank you very much. It is funny how just when you think things are going along great, all of the sudden you get smacked in the face with a no-good, totally awful, exceedingly frustrating, very bad day. Well, at least I do. I don't know if it is Satan knocking at my door, or if it is my own tendency towards pessimism, or if it is just a fact of life here on earth... but I'm definitely subject to getting knocked down every once in a while. The amazing part is that God always helps me back up. He picks me up, brushes off the dirt, cleans up whatever wound I suffered, wraps me in a huge hug, and scoots me back on my way again. New every morning... His love and mercy let me start over every day, fresh and renewed.

I don't know if I've ever mentioned it here, but I start my day in the closet every morning. I try to wake up before the rest of the house, I fix my morning cup of coffee (I know, gotta have a vice, and especially now that I'm not pregnant or nursing), and sneak back into my closet. That is where I sit, read my Bible, pray, and study God's word. That is my time with God, my time to recharge, my time to start off on the right foot. It isn't a habit that I developed until recently, but God knows how MUCH I have needed it for too long before I started it. And I am thankful that God has given me the discipline and commitment to do it faithfully. Mornings without my closet would just be a bad start to the day. I have a huge window in my closet, and where I sit the rising sun shines right in to greet me. I see it as it peeks through the clouds and streams through the trees. And as it brightens my little closet, it lights up my mind, chases the darkness and cobwebs of sleep away, and gives me a bright outlook on whatever the day holds. God meets me there, every morning, cheering my soul in a way only He can. Since I've started giving God the "first fruits" of my day, He has multiplied the blessings He showers me with throughout the rest of my waking hours. He truly is so good.

Well, this has turned into a bit of a rambling little post, so before I take you on another tangent, I'll just go enjoy the sun a little. I have some books that have been begging to be read, and some bills that didn't get paid yesterday when I chose sleep over productivity. Have a fruitful day!

I can't do it...

I am sitting here, completely blah.
I am tired. I am frustrated. I am totally unmotivated. I have no less than a half dozen things I could or should be doing, but I can't kick myself into doing a single one of them. I don't want to exercise. I don't want to clean. I don't want to work. I don't want to balance the checkbook. I can't even bring myself to pick up the phone and call a girlfriend who I've been dying to chat with for weeks. All I really want to do is curl up on the couch and close my eyes.

I don't know why. I haven't had a particularly overwhelming week. I haven't had any excessive pressures or demands the past few days. I actually have a dinner out with old friends to look forward to tomorrow night. But, right now, right here, I'm drained. All of the sudden I'm left feeling wiped out.

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity," and for me, this time, right now, is for rest. So, my dear friends: happy naptime.

I want to be her...

I was reading Angie's blog today, specifically her post entitled Her, here. Now just to set the record straight, I don't want to be Angie. Let's just get that out there. But I want to be the her that she talks about in that post. I want to make that her a part of my everday life. To be "odd" as my pastor spoke about this past Sunday- to have people around me say "there's just something different about you." To be a voice of encouragement, a touch of love, a song of hope, a breath of peace to the lives that surround me every day- the hearts that I have the honor of touching as I go about my daily activities.

You see, my eyes have been opened a lot lately, to many hurts and needs all around me. I have realized that people I work with are facing struggles that I had no idea existed. Some of them the everyday battles of being a working wife and mother, some of them the temptations and demands of keeping a hectic pace, and yet others the deep, heart wrenching pain and uncertainty of life altering decisions. I have become more tuned in to the heart worries of some of my mommy-friends- feeling the weight of their struggles, the ache of their pains, and the frustrations of their battles. I have had my eyes opened to these and many more places in my daily walk where I can reach out, dig in, set an example, share a story, or offer hope. I have been faced with the realization that there are pains all around me, and that God needs hands here on this earth to work through, mouths to speak through, words to move through.

I want to be used. I want to be her as Angie said... to let God use my hands to touch someone and let them feel His healing power. I want to be a vessel for Him, a witness, an example, an encourager, a healer, a helper, a lover. I want to tell everyone around me how amazing His love is, how strong His power is, how healing His mercy is, and how perfect His will is. I want His light, His love, His heart to shine through me and touch everyone within my reach. I pray that He would take the me away, and fill me with her. Fill me with the her that He designed me to be so much that the me no longer has a place in my heart. I want to be the selfless servant that God intended for me, so that His will is best reflected in my actions and in my life. What an honor, to be the hands and feet of our precious Lord. I want to be her!

Nevermind

I was just going to write this huge long story about my day yesterday. I was going to tell you all about how I got my feelings hurt and had a tough day. I was going to whine about things other people did and said, and how I let them get to me and bug me.

But I changed my mind. I have to do that sometimes. Change my mind. If I don't I will find myself wallowing in self pity or sinking into a state of maudlin mood and woe. So I changed my mind. Not only about writing out the (really insignificant) story, but about how it affected me. I will not let something so earthly and meaningless make me question myself.

So... I had a great day today! The drama at church went FANtastic (if I do say so myself- which is probably really wrong since it was a monologue. Done by me. But it did go really well!) I got to spend some time with my family while they had lunch, tuck my kids into their beds for naps, and then I spent some time visiting with some amazing women from MOPs and eating (waaay too much) yummy food. Afterwards I came home and had a spectacular time playing with my own two kids AND my two beautiful nieces! I have the pleasure of enjoying my sister's two girls while she and her husband, her in-laws, and her two sons go on a fishing trip! The kids LOVED playing with their cousins, they delighted in a bath together, and now they are all tucked in and sleeping soundly. Ahhhh...

God is so good. He reminds me day after day that His love is all that I need. His grace is enough. His delight in me sustains me, and the hurts of this world fall away.

Every day

So I have really grown a lot over the past few years. The whole motherhood thing has shaken up my life and rearranged my perspective. God has used it, and many other things in my life, to help me really see some truths that I had been ignoring for so long. I have healed, I have grown, I have learned, I have cried, I have rejoiced. And it is barely getting started. I know so well now that God is molding and shaping me every day into what He wants in me. And some of the lessons are hard, some are recurrent, some are painful, but some are beautiful. Like this one.

You see, I've always known that when things got rough I should get on my knees. It is easy to need God and reach out to Him in the trials and the heartaches of life. That part I got many years ago. But what God had to reveal to me in a joyful little "ah-ha!" recently was that I need Him every day! And not only do I need Him, but He is right there with me, an ever present friend, all day, every day. Now don't get me wrong. I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior and knew all along that He was living in me. I kinda got that whole thing. But I never got the closeness, the comraderie, the every day deep seated very real need to have an intimacy and dialogue with Him every step of the way.

Maybe I'm not really doing this justice because it seemed so clear and so exciting when God revealed it to me, but as I type it just seems like 'duh!' But it is amazing to me to live my every day knowing that God loves me, that He is watching my every move, that I can turn to Him with a whisper or a shout, a song or a cry, and that He is right there ready to pick me up and dance me around the room. Isn't that amazing?! This big, awesome God doesn't wait until we're in crisis to check on us. He doesn't get too busy with other things to look down on us. He takes time to enjoy our happy days as well as our sad ones, our busy days and our lazy days, our ups and our downs. He's right there. He wants to be my best friend, and yours.

I need Him, every day, every step, every moment, every milestone. And He meets me right where I am. How awesome is that?!

Not Me! Monday!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! MckMama has this fabulous habit of making me feel more human. So for the first time, I decided to join in the Not Me! Monday! carnival.

First of all, I do not ever have anything to say in this type of carnival. I would never be anything less than a perfect, flawless creature.

So you would completely understand that I definitely did not tell my son yesterday to wait until I had the flour mixed in before licking the cookie dough straight from the bowl. I would not allow him to stick his fingers in there, flour or no flour! And this morning when we arrived at the barn I did not allow my 3 year old to use the port-a-john because I did not forget to make her pee before we left our own home, a mere 10 minutes away. Furthermore I would have never had to go so bad that I couldn’t wait for her to finish, and I did not drop trou and squat over the urinal part of said port-a-john to relieve myself because I would never forget to go at home myself! And since we’re on the topic of her riding lessons, I did not, by any means, compare the “safety knot” used to tie the horse in her stall to the “quick release knot” I had tied two days before to restrain a ventilated patient’s hands. Never! Not me!

After riding lessons I certainly did not allow my kids to have a race down the aisle of the grocery store while using boxes of pasta as maracas. And it certainly was not me who stood in the doorway of the grocery store bathroom with my cart while I did not allow my three year old to use a stall without help or supervision. No way, not me!

I do not think I will start keeping a list of my favorite stories because I have not said out loud, “this belongs on Not Me! Monday” during the week. I would never have stories that would be at all interesting for that sort of thing!

The name says it all.

Well, God is good. And his mercies truly are new every morning. Just ask Caleb, who is back to his charming, sweet self today. :)

We've had a pretty fantastic day so far. The weather is beautiful, the kids have been happy, and I'm feeling pretty good overall. I am quite over my own lack of motivation for all things remotely resembling exercise, so pray that I get past this slump. I would SO much rather sit out on my patio in the sun with a great book than go sweat on the treadmill. I have about 4 or 5 books that I am currently reading, and I would so much rather spend time on one of them instead of working out. But... as I looked through pictures of Brianna's horseback riding lessons that were taken this morning, I couldn't help but notice how my own rump is rivaling that of the pony she rides. Ewww. I suppose the treadmill will somehow have to fit into my afternoon nap-time activities. Maybe right between mopping the kitchen and paying the bills. I guess time in the sun will have to come once the kids are awake (which means no relaxing and no reading, but hey, they're more fun anyway!)

My gardens are coming along nicely. Today I noticed that I officially have 4 tomatoes so far. Two are pretty big and will be ripening soon, one is about the size of a ping pong ball, and the other is marble sized. And there are multiple other flowering fruit-bearing shoots that will hopefully start producing soon too! How exciting. I harvested my first crop of radishes this weekend- the ones that grew on the front porch. It was a pretty pitiful grouping, only 3 worth eating out of a handful of plants. But I actually ate something I grew from seed! And Brianna just finished off the last of her cherries from her tree- she got a whole THREE this year! The garlic has sent up central shoots, so it will soon be time for me to read up on harvesting and drying that. I'm praying for a nice harvest of garlic, I'd like to replant some and still have plenty to cook with this summer.

Well, I suppose that is enough random musings for the day. I am off to start one of the naptime chores. Hmmmm, where to begin. Happy afternoon!