Getting over myself...

That is my goal. To learn how to get over myself. Again. And again, until it finally sticks. It is so hard to shake the human tendency towards selfishness, and when you do it slowly creeps back in until it is all consuming once again. Now don't get me wrong... for the most part I'm a pretty selfless person. I honestly tend to think of others first, and I will forgo or give up many things in the interest of making someone I care about happy. On the selfish scale I'm pretty mild in my interactions. But in my mind, in my heart, I can't seem to stop coming back to the realization that I'm too focused on me. Too worried about my own wants and needs. Too anxious for my praise or affirmation. Too focused on how I look, or come across, or act. Too interested in making myself happy. And that's backwards. I shouldn't worry about making myself happy, I should instead seek to help those around me. And I can't be responsible for my own happiness, for there is only One who can secure that peace.

You see, there is so much hurt in this world, so much pain, so much heartache. My life, although not without troubles, is a dream compared to what some others around me face. The pain, the devastation, the struggles, the challenges, the hurt that is everywhere in our world should make me thrilled that my life is as blessed as it is. Yet, I too often lose sight of the pain around me because I'm too focused on my own inconveniences. God doesn't want me looking at my own hangnails when my neighbor's arm is hanging by a tendon. If I can see the pain around me and focus my energy on bringing God's light to a hurting world, how much less significant will my own worries be? How much more will I appreciate the love, and grace, and mercy that He extends to me every day? And how much more awesome will the blessings I'm already enjoying seem?

The other side of this same equation is trying to improve my own mood. I can't make myself happy. Tried. Failed. Repeatedly. It isn't within my own power or control to fill up my own heart with joy. And although things, people, situations here on earth can occasionally bring a smile to my face, none can truly fill my heart with happiness. For true joy comes only from my heavenly Father, who loves me and delights in me. True happiness and fulfillment can only come from Him, for He is the one who will never let me down. Flowers will fade, people will come and go (and fail), music will stop, and the sun will set. But God will never leave me or forsake me, His love is everlasting, and His grace and mercy will greet me anew every day. If I choose to let Him bring me joy, He'll always provide in abundance. And my days of bearing the weight of being responsible for my own moods will be over. I'll rest in His joy, His peace, and be truly free.