Everyday Rewards

Do you ever feel like your days are just pointless repetition? Like you lost yourself somewhere along the way of laundry, vacuum cleaners, sippy cups, and toy boxes. And lets not forget the seemingly daily frustration of discipline. Don’t you sometimes feel like a recording, saying over and over, “pick up your clothes,” “take your plate to the sink,” “don’t run in the house,” “be gentle with the dog’s ears,” “no fighting!” Does it ever leave you feeling worn out, run down, craving something that feels like success, hoping for something to make you feel proud? And yet, as you look into the little eyes of the kids who you adore, somehow you can find the strength to get up and do it all over again.
I know that I have struggled through the years I’ve called ‘motherhood’ thus far. It all seemed like such a great idea. I would have kids, I’d be a great mom, they’d love me, and listen, and obey, and we’d play and have fun together, and life would be grand. But somehow the chores piled up, the struggles seemed to start outnumbering the successes, and the frustrations of life started to blur my view of this “perfect family” that I was building. I have tried many different times to find ways to fix these frustrated or discouraged times: taking on a new responsibility in hopes that I’d be able to feel proud of some success; looking for a new friendship or group to join to feel more like I belonged and mattered; immersing myself in reading everything I could find that was remotely related to my perceived faults to try to “better” myself. Don’t get me wrong, none of these things have been bad. All of them are probably good, honorable efforts that shouldn’t be discounted as strategies for improvement. But none of them brought the peace and fulfillment that I was truly searching for.
Until one day: Psalm 119: 37 jumped into my heart and really shook it up. “Turn my eyes away from worthless things; preserve my life according to your word” (NIV). God’s word says that to truly live we should serve. We should put ourselves, our dreams, our perceptions last, and truly seek his heart. If we can somehow find a way to stop looking at ourselves through our own warped and twisted eyes, and start looking at God’s world through His eyes, then maybe we wouldn’t feel so lost in our own shortcomings, frustrated by our own mishaps, and disappointed in our own unmet expectations. You see, God wants us to serve. To be His hands and feet, to be Christ here on earth and live out the love, compassion, and outreach that He modeled while He was here. When we take our focus off ourselves, and start turning it towards those around us who we can serve, then God is not only thrilled by our actions, but glorified through our life. Suddenly the dishes and laundry aren’t hopeless chores, but ways we can bless our husbands and children by keeping their home welcoming and peaceful. And acting as referee in yet another sibling squabble isn’t a sign of my failure, it is a perfect opportunity to teach life skills and talk about God’s grace, forgiveness, and mercy.
I am starting to learn an amazing lesson: that I can seek fulfillment in many different ways, but they usually leave me feeling just as empty. But when I start seeking God, my heart is blessed with the most amazing, brimming over, never-ending fulfillment that only He can provide. Oh what sweet reward.