What do they see?

I was recently spending some time in reflection, worship, and prayer, and something was on my heart. I was considering how I have changed in one particular area- my feelings about what people think of me. It used to be that I really worried about what others thought of me. I was concerned with being liked, with people thinking I was smart or funny or talented, with people respecting or admiring me. I truly yearned for human acceptance and affirmation. Well, God has brought me far, and although I'm not completely freed from wanting to be liked in this world, I am much less affected and driven by the need for human acceptance and praise. This is such a freeing and delightful blessing.

So anyway, suddenly, during my quiet time with God I was hit with the question: "what do people see when they look at me." And suddenly, this question took on a new purpose in my heart. I no longer want to be able to answer things like "they like me" or "they think I'm smart" or "they think I'm talented." Suddenly I want them to see much less of me and more of Jesus in me. I don't want them to notice the gifts God has given me, but instead to see how God is glorified by how I use those gifts. I want to truly honor God with every thing I do.

I realized that it doesn't matter what other people see when they look at me, but at the same time it does matter what people see when they look at me- maybe now more than ever. It no longer matters to who I am, but it matters to who God is. It no longer matters to my heart what others see, but it matters many times more to God's kingdom. The opinions of others no longer have control of my life, they won't change a thing about me or about how I see myslef. I will no longer allow them to make a difference to my heart, but I want them to make every difference in their hearts. I want them to see what God has done for me, and what he continues to do for me every day. I want them to see Him glorified when they look at me, and to see how amazing his gifts can be when put to good use. I want them to see more of Him, and less of me. I want them to see His peace, His glory, His strength, His grace, His gifts, and His love to shine through, so that they will want to feel those same things in their own lives, and to discover and use the talents they have been blessed with for His glory too.

So it no longer matters what they see, but strangely, it now matters more than ever. It doesn't matter to who I am, but it is all important to who God is. Praise the Lord, for his goodness and mercy endure forever.