Oh how He loves us...

My heart has been heavy lately. I have struggled with grief, with loneliness, with sadness. I have filled my moments with commitments, obligations, errands, anything to fill up the emptiness I have felt inside. But it hasn't worked. For there is only one thing that can calm the hurt in my heart right now, and He's been there all along. You see, pressing in to God is the only way to soothe the loneliness. I've learned that before, but I forget it time and time again. Every time I start feeling lonely I turn to something else to fill up the space. Phone calls. Committees. Projects. Anything, everything I can think up to keep me busy and not able to acknowledge or truly feel the hurt. But God doesn't want me to fill the empty space. He wants me to turn to Him, press in to Him, let Him fill those spaces and make me more truly whole.

I truly believe that God made us for community with each other. That he wants us to have earthly friends, relationships to sustain us here on earth. That we can do so much more in His name when we come together and help and encourage each other. But He said first to "Love the Lord your God with all of your heart, all of your soul, all of your mind, and all of your strength." Leaning on Him first is the only way to live. Our husbands, friends, sisters here on earth are just human. They will let us down. They don't want to, they don't mean to, but they will. And we will let them down too, because we are imperfect and fallen. But God will never let us down. He is there today, tomorrow, and always. He is ever present help and comfort.

So maybe God uses loneliness not to hurt us, but to remind us to run to Him. Maybe He is teaching me, over and over again (as His lessons for me often have to be) that He is the one to look to first when my heart is hurting, when I ache with loneliness. My prayer today is that I would pray more. That when I want to reach for my phone to call a friend that I would stop and call out to my God first. That I would look to Him first for comfort, peace, strength, and encouragement. That I would rely on Him to meet me where I am, see me at my worst, and love me anyway.

And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…
That He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves...